“[T]oo many of us have grown up in a world where we have forgotten, never learned, or were not even exposed to the skills needed to talk about hard topics in a productive way.”
Steven Collis is a law professor who specialises in the First Amendment. He explains that this means that he gets paid to discuss the most pressing and divisive issues in our society. He explains that despite the highly emotive and divisive nature of the topics discussed, he has found that neither he, nor the people he has spoken with, have experienced a negative outcome in their conversations. Instead, they have been productive, with people experiencing mutual respect and learning from each other.
In this book, he discusses the ten habits that he believes have created such positive environments for those difficult conversations. Each habit has its own chapter.
- Intellectual humility and reframing
- Seek real learning
- Assume the best about people
- Don’t feed people’s worst fears
- Hunt for the best argument against you
- Be open to change
- Spend time with people
- A sliver of humour
- Seek inner peace
- Embrace the discomfort of non-closure
Collis explains that “peacemakers employ many of the habits that make them effective long before they are in actual conversations. The habits like as much in how they approach each day as in how they handle specific conversations.”
This book is a delight to read – full of terrific advice, lively anecdotes, and prompts for reflection. Collis also provides some brilliant phrases to use if you find yourself in a conflict-laden conversation, to help reframe the discussion into a productive exploration rather than a polarized argument. If we could all adopt the habits in this book, the world would be a better place!
