Who is involved in the coaching relationship?
Coaching involves a relationship between at least two people – the coach and the person being coached (who may be called a client or a coachee – recognizing that not all people being coached are technically ‘clients’ of the coach).
Coaching may sometimes involve more than two people – group coaching or team coaching is growing in popularity, where one coach may work with multiple coaches at the same time.
In many workplace contexts, there is a third party involved in the coaching relationship as the ‘sponsor’ or the person who is paying for the coaching, often an employer.
Coaching may also occur within an existing relationship (e.g. when a manager coaches a team member, or a parent coaches a teenage child).
Increased focus on the dynamics of the coaching relationship
As the research on coaching has developed, we have seen an increased focus on the dynamics of the coaching relationship. There is increasing recognition that the relationship is more important than the process, that coaching involves two people who share a common humanity, and that there may be a tension between the personal and the professional aspects of practice.
The coaching relationship can be thought of as similar to what, in therapeutic terms, is known as a “working alliance” or a collaborative partnership. This terminology acknowledges that like it or not, the coach is involved and will influence what happens. They are not a mere facilitator of a process or a blank screen upon which the coachee may work to achieve their goals.
Most people agree that the coaching relationship is the key ingredient that leads to successful coaching. However, in whatever context coaching is occurring, it is important to keep in mind that the coaching relationship is part of a complex adaptive system with unpredictable influences and outcomes. The coaching relationship exists within a complex web of other relationships involving the coach, the coachee, and others who might influence or be impacted by what happens in or after the coaching.
Elements of the coaching relationship
The relationship between the coach and the ‘client’ may be set up in a formal way (e.g. a contractual relationship between a coach and a paying client) or in less formal ways (e.g. a manager may ‘coach’ a member of their team as part of their management/employment role).
However the relationship is formed, there are a number of conditions that are usually part of the coaching relationship:
It is a relationship built on rapport, feeling at ease, showing warmth, genuine interest, mutual attentiveness, and positivity.
The relationship requires trust and transparency –mutual confidence that supports the client’s willingness to be open, honest and vulnerable and allows the coach to be transparent, supportive, non-judgemental and challenging.
The relationship is founded on commitment, collaboration and co-creation – the allegiance to the working of the coaching experience, the coach and client assuring that they fulfil their respective responsibilities in the relationship.
The coach and the coachee’s personal characteristics are also relevant. Ideally, the coach is professional, friendly, attentive, ethical and believes in coaching and the coachee. Ideally, the coachee is motivated, ready for coaching, and committed to engaging actively in the process. There may be other personal characteristics of each that may support or hinder the quality of the coaching relationship, and this will vary according to the individuals involved. Some examples of other relevant personal attributes include the person’s age, gender, cultural background, personality, etc.
The relationship is usually a confidential one (in that coaching conversations are normally not shared with others, at least by the coach).
It is also important to recognize that the coaching relationship will usually change and develop over time. Sometimes the coaching relationship deepens as the coach and coachee get to know each other better and build rapport, trust and shared experiences. Sometimes the coaching relationship faces challenges, when something happens that creates tension between the coach and the coachee. In some situations, the coaching relationship breaks down and ends. In other circumstances the coaching relationship reaches a natural conclusion, either because the coaching program or timeframe ends, or the coachee’s needs change.
The coaching space
The coaching space may be a physical one (e.g. a room where you meet to engage in coaching activities) but it is also a metaphorical one (e.g. a mental space in which a coachee feels safe and supported to engage in the coaching). In a way, it is both an “outer” space and an “inner” space!
Having the right physical space to conduct coaching is obviously important. If you are coaching face-to-face, as a minimum you want a room with some comfortable chairs, which is not too hot or too cold, and which is private. However, you may be able to create a physical coaching space in a different way. A colleague of mine offers “walk and talk” coaching, where he walks with his clients through various nature trails for their coaching sessions.
If you are coaching online, the virtual equivalent may be a good camera and microphone, a strong wifi connection, and privacy in the sense that nobody can join the virtual room in which you are meeting or overhear what is being talked about by either of the participants. If the session is being recorded, everyone participating understands the purpose for which it is being recorded (e.g. for coach supervision or assessment) and agrees to this.
The coaching relationship can be thought of as creating a safe space for a client to discuss whatever is important to them. The coaching “space” has been described as a sacred space, a liminal space, and the coaching “field”.
The word “sacred” is used to distinguish it from the “profane” or everyday spaces in which we live. It is a place in which special rules apply and extraordinary events are free to occur. It’s a time and a space in which we set aside the everyday.
A liminal space is a transitional or transformative space, a waiting area or threshold between one point in time and space and the next.
The reference to the coaching field reinforces the fact that there is a space kind of “in between the coach and the client” where the work gets done. It highlights the fact that both the coach and the client are involved in creating this environment, and that it is created out of the interactions between them.
Dr David Drake, founder of Narrative Coaching, explains that one of the foundational skills of a coach is “holding space” for people and their stories. David quotes Carl Rogers (founder of client-centered therapy), who was speaking about the role of a therapist, but what he says I think applies equally well to the role of a coach:
It is my purpose to understand the way he feels about in his own inner world, to accept him as he is, to create an atmosphere of freedom in which he can move in his thinking and feeling and being, in any direction he desires. How does he use this freedom? It is my experience that he uses it to become more and more himself. He begins to drop the false fronts, or the masks, or the roles, with which he has faced life. He appears to be trying to discover something more basic, something more truly himself.
While these ways of thinking about the coaching space may sound a bit philosophical and vague, you don’t have to create it with incense and whalesong!
The main point is that the coach needs to explicitly pay attention to creating a safe space for the client to think differently and be vulnerable. Part of this is setting up a good physical environment, but the coach also needs to create a positive feeling using their body (e.g. relaxed and attentive), voice (calm and encouraging), presence (confidence and curious) and energy (engaged but not agitated).
How you develop a coaching relationship and the coaching space is a very personal thing for you as a coach, and will also be influenced by the particular client you are working with. When you start to pay attention to the relationship and the space (and not just the process and the interventions that you are using) you will really start to develop your coaching beyond competence towards artistry!
If you would like to take your coaching further towards artistry, check out our REAL Conflict Coaching Fundamentals course: https://www.conflictmanagementacademy.com/conflict-coaching-fundamentals-online-2/
REFERENCES:
Erik de Haan and Judie Gannon (2017) The Coaching Relationship, Chapter 11 in Tatiana Bachkirova, Gordon Spence and David Drake (Eds.) The SAGE Handbook of Coaching.
Henry Kimsey-House, Karen Kimsey-House, Phillip Sandahl and Laura Whitworth (2018) Co-Active Coaching, Chapter 2: The Co-Active Coaching Relationship.
David Drake (2018) Narrative coaching: The definitive guide to bringing new stories to life, 2nd Edition.
